i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
