i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
