The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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