I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This baby is an asshole
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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