at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
