dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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