there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
