I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want to make out with him forever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize