my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
