i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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