Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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