Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
