O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
