If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ugly people sure do ruin things
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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