We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
BRING THE BAGELS
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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