it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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