hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
