3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
