youre lurking in front of me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
