I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
