So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
