I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
