I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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