I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
