He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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