I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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