i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
