Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
