I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
