Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
