he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
