how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
