M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
