Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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