Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
