i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
