We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize