He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
