best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
