Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
