is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
