I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
