You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
