We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
