a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
