His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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