well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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