shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize