god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
