I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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