I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
