pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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