I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
