so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
