Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
