I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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