does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
