To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
