It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pants are for mortals
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
