you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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