So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize