dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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