her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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