I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize