thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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