The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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