this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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