oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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