Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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