You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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