census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
