He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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