The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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