if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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