That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
