how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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