You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
