apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
