I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
