i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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