Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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