It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
