shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
