im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think people are normalizing furries
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
