I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
