Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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