I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
