I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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