Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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